Chronos Idol
by xparamorexbabex
Summary: Enjoy the Chronos Numbers singing on American Idol and getting judged- but with a violent twist...


_haha hi everyone! this is a story i made up when i was seriously high so sorry if i make fun of any of ur fave characters... i know its fluff and incredibly stupid, but i hope u all enjoy it!! ;]_

* * *

"Welcome to American Idol…um…who are you?" Ryan Seacrest was very confused because instead of the normal contestants standing before him, there were men wearing black uniforms, a girl in purple, and a wolf.

"The Chronos numbers." The girl in the purple stated.

"Um….." Ryan stuttered. He didn't know what to say. No one told him about the change of contestants and now he looked stupid on live TV. Damn. "Well… first up is…." He waited for someone to finish his sentence, still looking stupid.

"Sephiria Arks." The girl in purple said. She made her way to the center of the stage as the other nine people went to sit on the couches

**I.** Sephiria started singing in a sweet, smooth, and shy voice, quite unlike her normally commanding one. She didn't sing a single note off key and when she finished the theater erupted in applause. Then it was judging time.

"You didja thing, dawg!" Randy said. Clapping followed.

"Love your voice, love that song, love you!" Kara said enthusiastically.

"You're a shining star," Paula commented, obviously on crack or seriously drunk.

"It was…amazing." Simon said. Sephiria looked pleased with herself while everyone clapped

**II.** Belze walked to center stage. He sat down in a chair, looking calm and collected. When the music began he sang in a rather high pitched, soft and timid voice. Some Chronos numbers were shocked (in a good way), while others tried hard to contain their laughter at such a feminine voice.

Belze finished on an extremely high note that sent numbers VII, V, and VIII rolling on the floor laughing (a.k.a. rotfl)

"…A little pitchy in spots, but it was okay." Randy said

…Not your best. You need to sing more…aggressively," Kara stated.

"You're a shining star," Paula said, still drugged out.

"I thought it was okay. But what your wearing is horrendous." Simon said in his British accent while gesturing to Belze's blue suit with the yellow shoulder pad things. (me-yea I have no idea what they're called. sorry)

Belze, in all his manliness, started to cry right there on stage in front of everyone. Simon was appalled as Sephiria dragged his offstage muttering "…What a frickin baby…"

**IV.** Kranz was next. He sang a very upbeat song that had the audience up on their feet, clapping their hands, really into the performance. Halfway through they started chanting "Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance!"

Kranz started dancing like a madman, but unfortunately for him he flew off the stage into an unsuspecting person and got a concussion. He was a bad dancer anyway so no one really missed him.

**V.** Nizer sang very low and very off key to a jazz song that's probably really old. The other members of Cerberus thought it sucked, just like the audience did. On the last note when Nizer tilted his head back to belt out the last note he swallowed his cigar and burned his throat.

While he was taken to the hospital to have his cigar surgically removed, his performance was dubbed "horrendous" by Simon.

**VI.** Anubis padded on stage and was immediately takled by a random man from the audience who jumped on stage.

"Don't worry everyone," he addressed to the people in the theater. "I've got him: you're safe."

"What the frick?" Anubis yelled/asked, startling the man by speaking. "Get the hell off me- I aint gonna hurt nobody!"

"Sure…" the man muttered sarcastically, still thinking Anubis was a freak mutant animal. He slowly pulled out a tranquilizer gun from behind his back as the audience gasped because no one was really quite sure how he got it. The man attempted to shoot Anubis with it, but Anubis deflected it with his tail and it bounced off and hit Kara instead.

She was carried offstage, where she remain unconscious for several hours. The man who shot Anubis quickly scrambled back to his seat in the audience and ate some chocolate pudding. It was his favorite flavor.

When that fiasco was over, Anubis was disqualified for being an animal. Poor Anubis!

**VII.** Jenos Hazard strutted on stage. As he approached the microphone he took off his glasses fashionably, flipped his hair, and gave the audience a dazzling smile.

Girls everywhere- even ones watching at home on their TVs- swooned, and Paula fainted. (it could've been the drugs, but who knows?) She was carried off stage.

Jenos sang Sexyback. Yeah he OWNS that much.

He had a good voice, but it could hardly be heard over the screaming girls. One teenager with straight brown hair wearing a Paramore t-shirt and skinny jeans jumped on stage and chased Jenos around trying to glomp him.

While evading, or at least trying to evade, the screaming fangirl, Jenos forgot that he was not allowed to drop the f-bomb on live television.

Oopsies for him! The music stopped, the audience gasped, and it was akward. Jenos stopped singing and fleeing the fangirl, so she finally hugged him and the pair were escorted off stage by some obese security guards.

**VIII.** Baldorias walked on stage chewing his bubble gum. It was an all-new super-rare flavor that cost over $100 a stick! It was banana-potato-cockroach flavor. And it was super-de-duper yummy!

A random audience member, who happened to be superbly obsessed with this particular flavor of gum, smelled it and went spastically physco. Before Baldorias could utter a note, the person ran on stage, stabbed him, took the gum out of his mouth, and started chewing it.

Ryan saw the blood and threw up (what a sissy!) and Randy threw up after seeing Ryan throw up.

The janitors then came to clean up the barf, blood, and body while the random murderer chomped on his gum in peace.

**X.** Lin walked on stage. Mouths everywhere hung open in shock. Lin was wearing girls clothes (cross dressing). He was wearing a pink, strapless, sparkly, knee-length dress with matching high heels. He had sparkly makeup on his eyes and cheeks with bright pink lipstick on his lips. He had painted nails, matching jewelery, and a tiara in his hair.

The numbners looked away in shame. Why did Lin have to pick _tonight _to come out of the closet?

Simon averted his eyes and gestured to Randy. After a moment they called Ryan over, the three of them forming a huddle.

Lin waited on stage, inspecting his nails, oblivious to the appalled audience.

The huddle broke up and Ryan walked on stage and announced to the audience: "Lin Shaloee is appalling and must leave now because otherwise Simon said he might kill you. Sorry." Although he clearly wasn't.

Lin looked sad, but obeyed. Everyone was extremely scared (like scar, not scare) for life.

**XI.** Beluga sang a song no one expected: Baby Beluga (yeah, it was on Full House) while holding a whale stuffed animal. The remaing numbers sang along and clapped loudly when he was done.

Belze was so moved by the simple lyrics that he started crying (again). Sephiria rolled her eyes.

"Best performance of the night, dawg! It was hawt!" Randy cried, clapping loudly.

"I believe you could make a record, right now, and everyone would buy it. Well done!" Simon commented.

Beluga teared up a little and wiped his eyes on his stuffed animal.

**XIII.** Train heartnet sang an original piece titled "Milk Kicks Booty". He practically screamed the whole song into the microphione, spraying the screaming fangirls near the front of the stage with spit (they enjoyed that though).

"I love red milk, blue milk, green milk, yellow milk…" another ten minute of colors followed… "…aquamarine milk amd tangerine milk." Train finished, still screaming.

Fangirls went wild, drenched with spit, and ran on stage to give him all their colorful milk.

After drinking 40 gallons of random girls' random colored milks, while everyone watched, Train exploded, sending milk and bloody body parts everywhere.

An ear landed on Ryan, a pancreas on Simon, and an intestine on Randy.

As body parts rained down on the audicence, Ryan turned to the camera to close the show.

"Well..tonight has been an interesting first episode of Chronos Idol. However, it is the last show because barely half of the singers are still alive and unharmed. So…goodnight everyone!"

* * *

_i hope you all liked it! i need ur reviews so hurry up and review!!! ;]_


End file.
